The What Ifs vs. The Why Nots


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My coffee mug is filled with the best Jamacian coffee in the universe. My hands are cupped around the warm mug offering comfort on this morning of 8 degree temps in the northeast. The coffee was given to me by a friend for Christmas. A simple gift of coffee to say thank you for your business.  Around my shoulders hangs a heated throw blanket given to me by a new friend. Both are comforting to me on this gray day.  Both warm me, warm my soul. Simple yet satisfying gifts that make me smile. In this crazy graceless world it’s nice to know that something can be so pure and uncomplicated.

Along with my sweet mug of coffee and my warm heated blanket are my family and friends, my dogs Honey and Jack, my cat Isabella, my home that I call “Vintage Cottage,” and my store called Blue Eden. There are also my favorite tunes on my playlist. All are my effortless likes; really loves, for their true colors, their innocents and their unassuming courage. Some of these gifts inspire me, some make me reflect, some make me work hard, and some make me just enjoy the passing of time, after all isn’t that the secret to life?

Sometimes we hold on to things and we have a tough time letting go. Admittedly I suffer from this syndrome. I try so hard to let go without compromising my integrity. But here’s the unseen paradox that took me home.  When I thought about it was I being true to myself, was I honoring my feelings or just wallowing in disbelief and disappointment? Did I like it? On some level I guess I liked feeling sorry for myself – it justified what had happened, it garnered sympathy – it made me feel like a martyr of the 21st century. Turns out this was my way of coping.

Towards the end of the summer my life took a bit of a different path. As I found out about someone that was suppose to have my back. Well, they never really did have my best intentions in mind, only their own selfish intent was on the agenda. In August it was all exposed. The feelings of mistrust for years were dead on. There was a reason why I wasn’t feeling comfortable, yet I never allowed myself to believe anything other than what he was telling me – for this reason. I just wanted to believe in something that was pure and simple and it seemed to be (he was a very good actor). There in living color and screaming at me on facebook were all of my biggest fears. My heart sunk. The realization was my feelings were finally validated.

Being grateful for the little things. Don’t worry, I already learned this a long time ago after going through my divorce, I was pretty much left broke and without the things that I loved. No matter what I did, if I did it mindfully and carefully it became a form of meditation and discipline, as if it was almost a ritual in re-training my thought process a little differently. Meditation doesn’t have to be a quiet place of sitting and breathing in and out, but a place in our heart, a place where we watch the sun rise and set, a place where our breathing is in motion to the flow and tides of the day, and a place where we can loosen and unravel, a place that stores away a fond memory. There is a place for all of us where we can find a new way of breathing in and out. It’s called mindfulness or living in the moment. It’s not an easy idea or concept to achieve, for example; when I brush my teeth instead of thinking about the tooth brush and the tooth paste I am way ahead of myself going through the list of things I need to get done. For us overachieving multi-taskers from the Yuppie generation, these qualities where great (back in the 80s) however fast forward to today and thinking in the moment instead of thinking about the week ahead is a really hard thing to do and to stop. Personally I am sick of it and have decided that it’s ok to think about this moment only, write this blog only and drink my hot coffee now – not an hour from now when it will be cold and I will have to pop it into the microwave – see this is what I am talking about, I am already getting ahead of myself. Moral of the story – start to live in the moment of mindfulness and let’s see where we go. Maybe the secret to life and the antidote for the pain experienced in life is being mindful of the moment , not thinking to much about the “what ifs but thinking more about the why nots? Good luck with that.

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